Stopping by the office one day

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

Shalom

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jew at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need Water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back.

"Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie."

Oh fuck. Who shit themselves?

Not me, but some fat girl in my Spanish class shit herself and didn't tell anyone. As she was walking out the door, it hit the floor and the teacher yelled "Oh fuck. Who shit themselves?" Christ, she had to move to another school because everyone here basically tortured her over it. Names like 'shitty-knickers'.